Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Live now on Snapchat:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Making waves on TikTok:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Making waves on Pinterest:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Making waves on WeChat:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Breaking via Pinterest:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Just shared via YouTube:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Is this a superpower or should I be concerned? Either way, I'm impressively forgetful too! 😂🧠💭

brag, forget, forgetfulness, humor, i, mean, memory, saying, speaking, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

0

2 months ago

call, couple, culture, fandom, geek, humor, joke, me, movie, movie reference, only, parody, people, pop, pop culture, reference, sci-fi, seen, star, Star Wars, times, Trekkie, wars
Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

0

2 months ago

attraction, awkwardness, challenge, easy, flirt, flirting, humor, person
My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

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2 months ago

another, argument, called, fight, humor, husband, i, limited, limited sery, marriage, relationship, series, sery, storytelling, thing, turn
Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, news, relaxing, things, tornado
Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

0

2 months ago

anything, communication, confidence, honesty, honesty in communication, humor, humor about speech, i, intelligent, let, me, personality, say, self-awareness, sometimes, speech, stop
If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

0

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, feel, giving, humor, ignoring, passion, people, personality, real, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

93 shares on X this month:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

89 shares on Discord this month:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Spotted on X:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Spotted on WeChat:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Breaking via YouTube:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨