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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Hang in there, it gets worse.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Trending via Reddit:

(flirting) You’ll be the death of me.

Going viral on X:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Just landed via Reddit:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Just landed via Slack:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Live now on WeChat:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

1 week ago

Playful quote highlighting forgetfulness and humor about memory and glasses.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the classic dilemma of adulthood – pills versus glasses, a tale as old as time! 🤔💊👓 Who needs a memory when you've got a sense of humor, right? Maybe it's time for some pill-shaped glasses or glasses-shaped pills – problem solved! 😂

age, check, confusion, daily, daily life, forgetfulness, glasses, humor, i, life, memory, pills, put, remember, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on X this month:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

46 shares on X this month:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

81 shares on X this month:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

17 shares on Threads this month:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Making waves on YouTube:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Just landed via YouTube:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Trending via Threads:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Shared recently on Twitch:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Just shared via X:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

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