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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Just landed via WeChat:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Just shared via Threads:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Making waves on WeChat:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Seen just now on WeChat:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Going viral on Threads:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Just shared via YouTube:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Me too! My idea of fun is knitting a wild new scarf and binge-watching documentaries 😂🧶📚

80-year-old, 80-year-old woman, age, aging, being, feel, fun, humor, i, lifestyle, skipping, skipping stage, stage, straight, whole, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

0

2 months ago

1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand
We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

0

2 months ago

20, access, age, ago, anyone, digital, digital age, experience, hard, humor, internet, internet user, new, old, old internet, online, online access, sarcasm, should, stupid, technology, too, usability, used, user, user experience
I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

0

2 months ago

2, dairy, drink, drinking, figure, humor, milk, percentage, skepticism
If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

0

2 months ago

challenge, clever, difficult, humor, i, math, me, online, post, problem, problems, solve, statistic, too
I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

0

2 months ago

boat, comedy, dead, dead to me, guest, guest star, humor, i, irritation, love, me, relationships, sarcasm, show, star, The Love Boat, TV, TV Show, wake, wake up, woke
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, cat, dog, humor, intelligence, pet, sled, snow

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

27 shares on Threads this month:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

73 shares on X this month:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Trending via WeChat:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Seen just now on Slack:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Trending via Slack:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Going viral on Messenger:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Spotted on TikTok:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Just shared via Telegram:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Trending via Twitch:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨