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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Breaking via Telegram:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Just shared via Discord:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Live now on Reddit:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Trending via Facebook:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Spotted on Discord:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Witty quote about mentally decluttering, humorously comparing closing browser tabs to calming worries.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Helping your wife's brain clear up space like a digital Marie Kondo 🧹✨ #HappyWifeHappyLife

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Telegram this month:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

57 shares on Threads this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,396

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Live now on Instagram:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Live now on Messenger:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Spotted on WeChat:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Going viral on Instagram:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Live now on Telegram:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Live now on TikTok:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

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