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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Hang in there, it gets worse.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Going viral on Slack:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Making waves on Discord:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Going viral on Discord:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Live now on TikTok:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Shared recently on Threads:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Going bananas on Threads:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Freshly posted on X:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Helping your wife's brain clear up space like a digital Marie Kondo 🧹✨ #HappyWifeHappyLife

brain, closing, complete, done, humor, i, load, mental, mental load, pleasure, relationship, tabs, task, wife, worry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, decision, excuse, humor, me, procrastination, self-deprecation, today
90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

2 months ago

90, anxiety, happen, humor, i, irony, life, never, seems, things, working, worry, worrying
Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

2 months ago

activity, done, fun, fun activity, joke, miscommunication, number, numbers, prank, random, random number, surprise, texting
We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

2 months ago

1969, ambition, election, every, exploration, humor, i, man, me, moon, president, promise, put, satire, space, space exploration, stop
I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

2 months ago

auto-generated, auto-generated subtitle, caption, happiness, happy, humor, i, subtitle, subtitles, video, YouTube
My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

2 months ago

care, chew, dental, dental care, dental plan, guess, humor, i, joke, just, mouth, plan, side

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Slack this month:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

19 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

56 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

93 shares on X this month:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

72 shares on Slack this month:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

53 shares on Threads this month:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Going bananas on X:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Breaking via Reddit:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Trending via Discord:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Trending via Facebook:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Live now on Discord:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨