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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,707

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Just landed via Threads:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Going bananas on Discord:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Spotted on YouTube:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Trending via Telegram:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about adulting, highlighting humor over skincare struggles.

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Commentary:
Adulthood: where you've got a lotion for every motion! 🧴😅

adult, being, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, idea, life, lotion, skincare

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22 shares on Pinterest this month:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

90 shares on Discord this month:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Just shared via Threads:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Making waves on Messenger:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Making waves on TikTok:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Breaking via Instagram:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Shared recently on TikTok:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Going viral on YouTube:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Going bananas on Reddit:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

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Activity Log ✨

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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