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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Breaking via Twitch:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Going viral on Twitch:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Making waves on Instagram:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Going viral on WeChat:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Spotted on YouTube:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Funny quote about car headlights: a witty remark on mistaking a Cybertruck for another vehicle.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, my brights turned off but the Cybertruck's spaceship headlights kept me in the spotlight! 🤷‍♂️✨🛸

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Threads this month:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Carrying a pizza in public feels like you’re showing off.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,500

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Going viral on TikTok:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Just shared via Twitch:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Seen just now on Instagram:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Just shared via Facebook:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Shared recently on YouTube:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Making waves on Messenger:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Spotted on Reddit:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

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