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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Spotted on Facebook:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Breaking via X:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Shared recently on Threads:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Live now on Pinterest:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, my brights turned off but the Cybertruck's spaceship headlights kept me in the spotlight! 🤷‍♂️✨🛸

brights, car, Cybertruck, driving, hate, headlight, humor, i, joke, realize, Tesla, turn, vehicle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

0

2 months ago

engagement, fun, humor, irony, LinkedIn, media, notification, social, social media, work
I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

0

2 months ago

camera, chaos, frame, humor, humor quote, i, joke, life, mess, only, together
One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

0

2 months ago

appearing, avoidance, busy, humor, introvert, me, people, social, speak, strength, strengths, try
When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, breath, conflict, count, humor, nobody, punch, reaction, surprise, take, ten, throw, unexpected
*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, death, erase, erase existence, existence, fake, fake death, Google, humor, Monday, morning, online, online search, own, procrastination, search
Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

0

2 months ago

everyday, hell, humor, i, ID, Satan, tell, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

82 shares on Slack this month:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Going viral on X:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Spotted on Slack:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Just landed via TikTok:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Just landed via Reddit:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Just shared via Discord:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Making waves on Twitch:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨