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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Just landed via Telegram:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Trending via Messenger:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Spotted on Slack:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Going viral on Facebook:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Just landed via X:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Trending via Telegram:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Live now on Messenger:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Seems like it's time for a little 'chapter' in self-improvement! 📚😅🔥

book, horny, humor, i, lifestyle, reading, self-awareness, should, something, start, toxic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

0

2 months ago

app, bet, calculator, humor, i, pretty, shame, wrap, wrapped
Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

0

2 months ago

apple, dork, free, humor, i, price, pro, technology, thanks, vision, Vision Pro, want
How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

0

2 months ago

cooking, food, humor, know, looking, mystery, observation, pasta, water
Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

0

5 months ago

anyone, bed, bedtime, coffee, else, excited, excitement, going, just, know, me, morning
When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

0

2 months ago

bag, bags, bathroom, grocery, grocery bag, humble, humor, i, irony, rich, stay, trash, trash bag, wealth
This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

0

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, coffee addiction, coffee joke, holy, holy water, humor, i, joke, morning, morning routine, need, routine, think, water, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on X this month:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

64 shares on Twitch this month:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Shared recently on Threads:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Breaking via Pinterest:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Breaking via WeChat:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Just landed via Threads:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Spotted on Messenger:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

Spotted on Telegram:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Just landed via WeChat:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨