Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Taking a walk: The most effective debugging tool.

Going viral on Slack:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Making waves on TikTok:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Going viral on X:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Going bananas on Threads:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Going viral on Reddit:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Seems like it's time for a little 'chapter' in self-improvement! 📚😅🔥

book, horny, humor, i, lifestyle, reading, self-awareness, should, something, start, toxic

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91 shares on Slack this month:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

56 shares on X this month:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

18 shares on Facebook this month:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Just landed via Reddit:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Just landed via X:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Just landed via Reddit:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Going viral on Instagram:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Spotted on Instagram:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Trending via TikTok:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Trending via Reddit:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

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Activity Log ✨

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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