Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,248

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Live now on Twitch:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Just shared via Facebook:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Spotted on Facebook:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Seen just now on Messenger:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Going viral on Pinterest:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Just landed via Slack:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Going viral on Reddit:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'm just practicing for the Nap Olympics, gotta keep up my gold medal status! 😴😂🥇

2, 5, being, explain, humor, i, love, nap, Saturday, single

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Living la vida taco!

0

2 months ago

food, humor, LA, life, living, phrase, pun, taco, vida
I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, me, nature, next, personification, thinking, thunderstorm, too, weather, wonder
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

0

2 months ago

Facebook, glasses, life, people, social media, sunglasses
Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

0

2 months ago

alien, alien invasion, apocalypse, before, climate, crisis, die, disaster, end, end of world, extraterrestrial, global, global climate crisis, humor, invasion, irony, little, nuclear, nuclear war, sci-fi, survival, treat, war, world
Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

0

5 months ago

attention, attention seeker, cheesecake, dislike, food, food preference, humor, preference, seeker
Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

0

2 months ago

August, blame, diet, fitness, holiday, humor, overweight, self-reflection

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Slack this month:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

77 shares on Discord this month:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

18 shares on X this month:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

69 shares on TikTok this month:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Just shared via Slack:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Just shared via Discord:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Seen just now on Threads:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Shared recently on Threads:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Trending via Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Living la vida taco!

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨