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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Shared recently on YouTube:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Trending via Twitch:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Just shared via Slack:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Breaking via Telegram:

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

2 months ago

0

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of cat karma! 😸🔄 Here's to hoping she learns the joys (or pains) of dealing with a demanding furball in her next life! 🙀😹 #Catception"

cat, hope, humor, i, life, love, next, owner, reincarnation, whiny

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

0

4 months ago

appetizer, asleep, bedtime, before, couch, fall, i, joke, little, nap, sleep, sometimes, wordplay
You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

0

2 months ago

crazy, friends, friendship, humor, i, me, people, train
The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

0

2 months ago

cold, compatibility, compatible, date, humor, love, me, months, relationship, remind, someone, thermostatic, winter
To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, asking, humor, oath, people, relationships, secret, single, singles, success, tell
The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

0

2 months ago

alone, care, everyone, except, extra, humor, just, leave, lesson, life, life lesson, loneliness, matters, nothing, problem, relationship, self-care, selfishness, solitude, special, take, yourself
Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

0

5 months ago

behavior, child, child behavior, correct, humor, i, interruption, kid, kids, moment, parenting, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

65 shares on X this month:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

23 shares on Discord this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

90 shares on YouTube this month:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,420

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Going viral on Threads:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Breaking via Slack:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Just landed via Reddit:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Shared recently on Threads:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Trending via LinkedIn:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

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