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Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

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Science has enough bodies, Iโ€™m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

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There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

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I told my wife the laundry on the couch ainโ€™t gonna fold itself, so if yโ€™all donโ€™t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

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The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

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I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

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My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

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What if your dog one day just randomly said โ€œNobody is going to believe youโ€ and never spoke again.

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I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

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Rich people donโ€™t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still havenโ€™t gotten rich. I don’t know what Iโ€™m doing wrong here.

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I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Commentary:
"When your name is practically a job description, you're destined for greatness! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ’ผ #JustAGuyThings"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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