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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has copied:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has copied:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has shared:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has downloaded:

What if your dog one day just randomly said β€œNobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has shared:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Facebook:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Breaking via Pinterest:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, β€œI’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Spotted on Instagram:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Spotted on WeChat:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Live now on Discord:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Just landed via Reddit:

People on Facebook be like β€œcan anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Breaking via Slack:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

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Commentary:
Feeling like I've already mastered the art of staying still for millions of years! πŸ¦–πŸ§˜β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

92 shares on Discord this month:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

75 shares on Threads this month:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is short, flirt with me!

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro β€” it’s not personal.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I woke up alive again.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has shared:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has downloaded:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via WeChat:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Just landed via TikTok:

β€œI’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Just shared via Twitch:

If β€œlive each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Making waves on Slack:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Live now on Pinterest:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming β€œBROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Shared recently on X:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

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