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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,566

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Just shared via Twitch:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal battle between us and our pants – may they always be on our side! 🤞👖 #PantsAdventures"

else, everyday, everyday life, everyone, fashion, fit, hope, humor, i, life, pants, put, still, struggle

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Twitch this month:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Seen just now on X:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Bok Choy is a dope name for a vegetable.

Making waves on Slack:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Making waves on Facebook:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨