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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Trending via WeChat:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Brace yourselves, I'm entering my "spicy enigma" phase! 🔥🤪

getting, hot, hotter, i, inform, just, plan, regret, weird

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56 shares on Discord this month:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

57 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

36 shares on Threads this month:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

80 shares on Slack this month:

For the record, I use a turntable.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

65 shares on X this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Just landed via Reddit:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Trending via Threads:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Spotted on Telegram:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Going viral on Instagram:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨