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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Making waves on WeChat:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Making waves on WeChat:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Spotted on YouTube:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Shared recently on Discord:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Spreading quickly via X:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.
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Commentary:
"Who needs a Monday blues when you can have the Wednesday wet whiskers vibe? 🌧️😼 Just lounging by the window, contemplating life's mysteries and pondering where you left your last sunbeam. Work schmirk, rain purrrfection! 😆"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

51 shares on Slack this month:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

78 shares on X this month:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

30 shares on Threads this month:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Trending via Messenger:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Trending via Facebook:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Live now on X:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Making waves on TikTok:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Just shared via Instagram:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Just landed via Discord:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Just landed via Reddit:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Going viral on Slack:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

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