I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

59 shares on Messenger this month:

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

76 shares on Discord this month:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.