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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Seen just now on Threads:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Trending via Facebook:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Trending via WeChat:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Seen just now on Slack:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Just shared via Threads:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Teaching life lessons one board game at a time! 🎲💸 Who knew Monopoly could be so educational? 😂 #ParentingWin #MoneyMatters"

bank, competition, everything, game, humor, i, kids, money, Monopoly, parenting, steal, tell, winning

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80 shares on Snapchat this month:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

24 shares on X this month:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

50 shares on X this month:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Trending via WeChat:

I love when the universe delivers receipts.

Seen just now on Threads:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Seen just now on Discord:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Making waves on Discord:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Spotted on X:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨