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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

12 minutes ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Just shared via Threads:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Trending via Snapchat:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Live now on Threads:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Trending via YouTube:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Broadcasted on Discord:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

4 months ago

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic transition from being cool to becoming an expert in complaining about noise levels! 🕺🤐 It's like a rite of passage into adulting where our ability to enjoy a loud party is overshadowed by our desire for peace and quiet. 🎉🔇 Who knew that one day our idea of fun would involve searching for the elusive "mute" button in real life? 🤪🔊 #AdultingIssues

age, change, cool, hear, here, humor, i, loud, myself, say, self-awareness, things, think, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

12 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Going viral on WeChat:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Trending via Facebook:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Trending via Threads:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

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