I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

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My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

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Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

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The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

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Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

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Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

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My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

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Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

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If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

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Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

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You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.