Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,274

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Spotted on Twitch:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Going viral on Messenger:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Just shared via Facebook:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Witty quote about wishing to charge for wasting time, playful and humorous text.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If only time wasted could be converted into dollars 💸… I'd be a billionaire by now! ⏳😂 #TimeIsMoney"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

53 shares on X this month:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

57 shares on Threads this month:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

51 shares on Slack this month:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Just landed via TikTok:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Making waves on Facebook:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Spotted on Slack:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Just shared via Reddit:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

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