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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Trending via WeChat:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Spotted on Messenger:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Trending via Reddit:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Just shared via Instagram:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Seen just now on Discord:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

0
I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.
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Commentary:
🔇 "I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb" – a sentiment many of us can relate to! 🚫🔔 Who needs interruptions when you're busy binge-watching your favorite show or enjoying a peaceful nap? 🛌 Let's all petition for a universal "life on do not disturb" button! 😉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Facebook this month:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

About to form my very first opinion.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

85 shares on Reddit this month:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Salary week, but salary weak.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Freshly posted on X:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Spotted on Snapchat:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Making waves on Threads:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Going viral on Snapchat:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Making waves on Messenger:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

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