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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I am single, please disturb me!

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Going viral on Facebook:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Seen just now on Slack:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Making waves on Reddit:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Making waves on X:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Spotted on WeChat:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Clever and darkly humorous quote about failure and crime, with a playful, edgy vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder… of your goals! 🔪🙅‍♂️ Keep pursuing success with determination, not crime! 💪😂"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

79 shares on Threads this month:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

80 shares on Slack this month:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

27 shares on Slack this month:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Shared recently on YouTube:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Breaking via TikTok:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Trending via Twitch:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

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