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Commentary:
"If at first you don't succeed, it's only attempted murder… of your goals! 🔪🙅‍♂️ Keep pursuing success with determination, not crime! 💪😂"

attempt, failure, humor, irony, joke, murder, only, success

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

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2 months ago

call, creativity, crime, direct, FBI, give, Googling, heads, humor, joke, just, line, poison, research, safety, should, someone, story, writers
Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

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2 months ago

complain, forget, humor, Monday, motivation, stress, today, whine, workweek
Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

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1 week ago

brief, existential, existential question, hang, hang out, i, love, moment, people, point, question, reflection, sometimes
Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

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2 months ago

behavior, dumb, humble, humor, intelligence, interaction, people, personality, play, play dumb, psychology, reveal, self-awareness, smarter, social, social interaction, stay, think, truly
We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

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2 months ago

choice, decision, funny quip, humor, quip, right, right way, suggestion, things, ways
Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

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3 days ago

going, humor, jacket, me, money, rejection, spend, spending, woman, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on YouTube this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

78 shares on X this month:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

53 shares on Discord this month:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

20 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Just shared via Discord:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Going viral on Facebook:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Going viral on Facebook:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Broadcasted on X:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Live now on X:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Just shared via Instagram:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨