If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

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I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

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They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

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Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

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A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

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Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

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When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.