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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Making waves on YouTube:

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Just shared via Facebook:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Trending via Pinterest:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Making waves on Telegram:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Just shared via Discord:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Just landed via Reddit:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Live now on Slack:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Spotted on Messenger:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why deal with columns and rows when eternal repose could be the ultimate spreadsheet escape plan? 😅🧮⚰️

death, frustration, humor, i, office, sarcasm, spread, spreadsheet, today, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad hair day, day, due, frustration, hair, humidity, humor, violence, weather
Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

0

2 months ago

1816, back, baron, Baron von Heldebrandt, custard, drunk, egg, egg nog, Germany, guys, heldebrandt, humor, invention, nog, von
That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

0

2 months ago

again, crazy, hear, me, moment, never, person, realization, realize
My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

0

2 months ago

diet, fat, food, hibernate, humor, lifestyle, live, loss, new, plan, weight, weight loss
I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

0

2 months ago

awkward, embarrassment, hate, head, hit, hug, i, mirror, self-love, sexy, someone
It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

0

23 hours ago

5, 8, alcohol, beer, beers, comparison, day, drinking, drinking water, fat, Funny, funny comparison, hours, humor, impossible, impossible task, kid, seems, seesaw, shot, shots, task, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

22 shares on X this month:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

16 shares on Twitch this month:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Trending via Messenger:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨