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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Spotted on Threads:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Making waves on Messenger:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Trending via Pinterest:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Going viral on Reddit:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When I say "unsubscribe," I mean it like "no more emails," not like "send me one more for old times' sake." 📬🙅‍♂️🚫

annoyance, confirm, confirmation, definitely, email, email list, email marketing, follow up, follow-up email, humor, i, list, marketing, need, send, unsubscribe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

0

3 months ago

day, eat, fish, fishing, give, hell, house, humor, independence, man, relationship, Saturday, teach, weekend, yourself
Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

0

5 days ago

ask, before, December, email, holiday, holiday season, January, management, problem, procrastination, season, send, time, time management, yourself
That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

0

2 months ago

end, fruit, game, games, gaming, gaming humor, great, hoarding, hold, humor, item, me, never, procrastination, relatable, thing, video, video game, where
Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

0

2 months ago

account, adulthood, adulting, budgeting, day, days, finance, financial, financial struggle, humor, later, money, money transfer, myself, personal, personal finance, relatable, save, savings, savings account, struggle, three, transfer, wild
Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

0

2 months ago

1, advice, afraid, always, caution, drive, driving, formula, Formula 1, humor, i, just, racing, rain
If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

0

2 months ago

forest, humor, joke, kid, music, parenting, piano, practice, sound, tree, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Instagram this month:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

18 shares on X this month:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Just shared via Slack:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Making waves on Slack:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Shared recently on Threads:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Just landed via YouTube:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Spotted on X:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Going viral on Instagram:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨