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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Just landed via X:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Shared recently on YouTube:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Trending via YouTube:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Making waves on YouTube:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if you're an introvert, your alibi might just be your cat… who won't testify in court! 🙊🐱 #IntrovertStruggles #CatAlibiDefense

accusation, alibi, anxiety, crime, going, humor, introvert, prison, social, social anxiety, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

0

3 months ago

choose, communication, humor, i, just, meeting, meetings, podcast, work
Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

0

2 months ago

chores, direction, dishwasher, domestic, domestic life, feel, feel something, humor, just, life, opposite, opposite direction, relatable, something, unloading
Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

0

2 months ago

communication, ever, express, expression, feel, frustrating, frustration, intelligence, intelligent, mind, mouth, smart, speaking, stupid
If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

0

2 months ago

choice, choices, humor, irony, life, life choice, media, posts, ridiculous, self-deprecation, should, social, social media, think
The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, career, career aspiration, commercial, commercials, detergent, humor, job, me, perfect, perfect job, person, staining, things
What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

0

2 months ago

funny question, humor, kind, life, life of the party, party, psychopath, question, wants

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

54 shares on X this month:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

49 shares on Slack this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

88 shares on Twitch this month:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Making waves on YouTube:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Going viral on X:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Spotted on Snapchat:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Going viral on Instagram:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Trending via Snapchat:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Just landed via Discord:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨