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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Born to say โ€œare you f*****g stupidโ€, forced to say โ€œwow, Iโ€™ve never thought about it like that beforeโ€.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

1789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,951

Funny Quotes Topics

14,756

Funny Quotes Images

11,951

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but Iโ€™m not about to listen to a drunk whoโ€™s talking to himself.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Trending via Twitch:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if itโ€™s a good laundry day.

Spotted on Threads:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Trending via Pinterest:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is โ€˜migraneur.โ€™ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Shared recently on Messenger:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Going viral on Discord:

My friend says to me, โ€œWhat rhymes with orange?โ€ And I told him, โ€œNo, it doesnโ€™t.โ€

Going viral on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: that โ€œteenagerโ€over there is actually 27.

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.
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Commentary:
"With all these 'workouts,' I must be on the cover of Stress Vogue soon! ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฅ"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

1789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,951

Funny Quotes Topics

14,756

Funny Quotes Images

11,951

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

3,453

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Yโ€™all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Some call it flirtingโ€ฆ I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractiveโ€ฆ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. Theyโ€™re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ซ has shared:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

Turns out that ending meetings with โ€œhave the day you deserveโ€ has made me some enemies at work.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has copied:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Shared recently on TikTok:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Making waves on Slack:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Shared recently on Threads:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Reported on Slack:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid peopleโ€™s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Shared recently on WeChat:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Just shared via Messenger:

You are the Monday of my life.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Trending via YouTube:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other peopleโ€™s content and nodding?

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