Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Just landed via X:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Breaking via Discord:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Going viral on X:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

Just shared via WeChat:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Did they raise you in a volcano lair? Because your villain origin story is giving me real Dr. Evil vibes! 😈🌋

attitude, blame, evil, humor, man, me, meet, origin, personality, think, transformation, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, day, eggs, enemy, funny activity, gathering, houses, much, night, nostalgia, paper, throwing, toilet, toilet paper
Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

0

2 months ago

breathing, breathing competition, call, communication, competition, humor, interaction, me, number, numbers, patience, phone, phone call, sarcasm, social, social interaction, talk, unknown, unknown number, waiting, welcome
You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

0

2 months ago

crack, dark, ever, expectation, glow, good, humor, knees, me, relatable, too
If you can stand me, you deserve me!

0

2 months ago

confidence, deserve, humor, me, relationship, self-esteem, stand
Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

0

2 months ago

childhood, family, forget, house, humor, memory, never, noisy, noisy toy, parents, things, toy, toys
By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, humor, irony, late, short, someone, story, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I love it when God gives me money.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Spotted on YouTube:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Making waves on Slack:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Shared recently on Slack:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Seen just now on Discord:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨