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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Seen just now on Instagram:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Trending via Slack:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Going viral on Twitch:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Making waves on WeChat:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Spotted on Twitch:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Live now on Messenger:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

1 month ago

Witty text about being an ethical hater, humorously highlighting nuanced disdain.

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Commentary:
I'm just here to provide constructive criticism… in a beautifully wrapped package of sarcasm! 🎁😏

balance, ethics, hate, hater, humor, informed, nuance, sarcasm

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s so unrealistic for me to delete WhatsApp, but man, I’d love to do it.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

18 shares on X this month:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

96 shares on X this month:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

44 shares on Discord this month:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Going viral on Facebook:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Shared recently on Discord:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Going viral on Twitch:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Just shared via Twitch:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Live now on YouTube:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Breaking via Slack:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Trending via Snapchat:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Stop dating if you have no car.

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Stop dating if you have no car.

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨