Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,331

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Shared recently on X:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Just landed via Instagram:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Live now on WeChat:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Spotted on Threads:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

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I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Absolutely, that sounds like a great way to kick off the evening! 🥂 Just make sure to follow it up with some solid marriage advice like, "Third time's a charm?". 😄 Wishing the couple all the best on their new journey together! 🎉 #WeddingHumor

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

99 shares on X this month:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

71 shares on Discord this month:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

94 shares on Slack this month:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

38 shares on X this month:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Live now on TikTok:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Spotted on Slack:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Spotted on X:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Making waves on WeChat:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Broadcasted on X:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Trending via Snapchat:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

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