I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.