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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Just landed via Telegram:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Just landed via Twitch:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Making waves on Telegram:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Going bananas on YouTube:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Just shared via Slack:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Breaking via WeChat:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

2 months ago

0

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of trying to stay composed when faced with a tiny, buzzing adversary 🐝😅. You gotta hand it to bees though – they sure know how to keep us on our toes! Ready to face off against nature's flying comedians? 🙈💨"

awkward, awkward situation, bee, distraction, face, funny moment, humor, moment, nature, never, situation, unattractive

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

0

2 months ago

baby, back, excitement, food, half, hell, humor, lunch, motivation, run, run it back, sandwich, second, second half
Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

0

4 months ago

anyone, cloak, fantasy, harry, Harry Potter, humor, invisibility, invisibility cloak, joke, magic, potter, seen, wizard
The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, comfort, cool, humor, jealousy, just, pillow, relationship, side, sleep, stole
My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, constipation, diagnosis, doctor, humor, joke, just, me, medical, medical joke, wordplay, worry
My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

0

2 months ago

activity, correct, daughter, dinosaur, dinosaurs, fun, fun activity, hobby, humor, me, misidentifying, parenting
I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

0

2 months ago

fired, humor, i, job, joke, just, massage, parlor, people, reason, rub, specific, wrong, wrong way

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Slack this month:

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

72 shares on Discord this month:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

47 shares on Slack this month:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

88 shares on Discord this month:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Going viral on Telegram:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Making waves on Facebook:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Seen just now on X:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Shared recently on Messenger:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Making waves on Instagram:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

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