Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
🎉🥳 "I'm done with making resolutions! It's about time the years step up their game and start being better, don't you think? 😆 Let's see some improvement, 2022! #NewYearSameMe" 🙌

better, humor, i, making, me, resolution, Resolutions, self-improvement, think, time, year’s

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

0

2 months ago

assistance, butler, chef, domestic, domestic help, help, humor, i, luxury, maid, need, professional, professional help, should, think
Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

0

2 months ago

demon, everyone, got, hair, humor, joke, OMG, once, possessed, possession, prank, something, supernatural, transformation
I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

0

2 months ago

am, exercise, fitness, humor, i, ID, Jesus, life, motivation, out of shape, right, run, shape, someone, today
Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

0

2 months ago

hairline, humor, idea, men, receding, spider, spider web, tattoo, web
Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

0

2 months ago

childhood, everything, humor, lick, mess, ownership, play, toddler
Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, comedy, disinterest, ever, humor, math, me, moved, please, reluctance, speak, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Just landed via Facebook:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Going viral on WeChat:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Broadcasted on Discord:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Making waves on Discord:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Making waves on Twitch:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Just shared via WeChat:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨