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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,268

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Going viral on Twitch:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Just shared via Twitch:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Trending via Facebook:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Trending via LinkedIn:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Making waves on Telegram:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

1 week ago

Playful quote about feeling annoyed by COVID's surprise reappearances, with a humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, Covid, the ultimate party crasher 🦠! It's like, 'Hey, I already survived your shenanigans once, isn't once enough?' 🙄 But nope, Covid's out here making surprise comebacks like a bad sequel 🎬. Can't help but feel a bit miffed about it, right? 😂 #RudeVirus"

annoyed, catch, Covid, explain, feelings, health, humor, i, irony, kind, once, pandemic, rude, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

26 shares on Slack this month:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

62 shares on Slack this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Going bananas on Slack:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Breaking via WeChat:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Just landed via Reddit:

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Just landed via Facebook:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Trending via Discord:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Just shared via YouTube:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

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