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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Going bananas on Threads:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Trending via Discord:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Trending via Telegram:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Shared recently on Slack:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Just landed via WeChat:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, in my opinion, burning a grilled cheese is a crime punishable by life imprisonment! 🧀🔥😂 #JusticeForGrilledCheese"

burnt, cheese, cooking, defense, excuse, food, grilled, grilled cheese, humor, kitchen, kitchen mishap, mishap, sandwich

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

0

2 months ago

competition, friendship, fun, humor, me, snack, snacking, togetherness
Nothing tops a plain pizza.

0

2 months ago

food, humor, nothing, pizza, plain, plain pizza, simple, simple food
If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

0

2 months ago

close, distance, forefinger, friendship, head, humor, i, keep, mime, preference, relationships, squishing, thumb
I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

0

2 months ago

broken, humor, laws, moving, moving on, nature, new, new year, Resolutions, self-improvement, year
Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

0

2 months ago

9, coffee, comparison, expense, free, hit, humor, iced, iced latte, latte, luxury, never, office, preference, unfortunately
If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

0

5 months ago

attitude, back, demon, ever, humor, ID, just, me, possessed, possession, problem, sarcasm, say, sit, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

59 shares on X this month:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

77 shares on X this month:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

82 shares on X this month:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Breaking via TikTok:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Going viral on Pinterest:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Seen just now on Telegram:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Just landed via Discord:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Just shared via X:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Going viral on Twitch:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Seen just now on TikTok:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨