Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Trending via Threads:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Trending via Instagram:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Making waves on Threads:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Just landed via Reddit:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Trending via Slack:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mastering the art of productive procrastination! 😎⏳🎨

humor, irony, management, procrastination, productive, productivity, terms, time, time management, today, wasting, wasting time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

0

5 months ago

air, beep, drum, drum solo, humor, In the Air Tonight, just, kitchen, kitchen humor, me, microwave, music, music parody, parody, slap, solo, tonight, tummy, tummy slap, waiting
I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, go out, humans, humor, i, introvert, outdoors, social, social anxiety
First World War. Kind of nervous.

0

2 months ago

first world war, history, humor, joke, kind, nervous, war, world
Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

0

2 months ago

brain, chemicals, happy, happy chemicals, health, humor, mental, mental health, mood, motivation, release
Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

0

5 months ago

backward, bend, bend backward, cowgirl, exorcist, humor, i, position, relationship, reverse, reverse cowgirl, sex, sex position
Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

0

2 months ago

better, confidence, doing, hate, here, humor, imagine, irony, job, just, me, much, myself, over, sarcasm, self-hate, self-improvement

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Threads this month:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

58 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Half princess, half menace.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

Trending via YouTube:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Trending via TikTok:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Going viral on WeChat:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Spotted on Facebook:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Breaking via Discord:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Spotted on Messenger:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨