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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,547

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Making waves on YouTube:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

Seen just now on X:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Live now on Snapchat:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Just shared via Instagram:

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Leap into your 30s with style—short men make great hurdles! 🏃‍♀️🤣🏆

20s, advice, humor, important, jump, man, meet, over, short, short man

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

0

2 months ago

break, got, humor, i, know, life, motivation, need, pen, put, somewhere, story, throw, win, writing
Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

0

2 months ago

age, breath, breathing, health, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, nostril, once, time, where, youth
Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

0

2 months ago

attempt, awkward, challenge, chopsticks, comedy, eating, food, humor, just, me, media, OnlyFans, social, social media, trying, videos
Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

0

2 months ago

AOL, canceled, control, humor, internet, joke, life, life control, procrastination, self-improvement, subscription, technology, today
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, just, kill, me, next, oh, ok, resilience, strength, time
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

0

2 months ago

air, air-drum, confidence, doing, epic, fun, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, music, over, performance, solo, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

67 shares on Threads this month:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Spotted on YouTube:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Just landed via Messenger:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Seen just now on Discord:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Spotted on Telegram:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨