Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Breaking via YouTube:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Trending via Telegram:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Trending via Pinterest:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Just shared via Telegram:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why pay for therapy when you have the internet? 🌐🤔🧠

advice, best, humor, internet, media, offer, online, social, social media, strangers

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

0

2 months ago

coding, grammar, hell, hot, humor, language, nerd, punctuation, semicolon, writing
Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

0

2 months ago

40s, adulthood, aging, avocado, excited, excitement, food, humor, lifestyle, welcome
Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

40s, adult, adult life, aging, hangover, humor, hungover, just, life, Tuesday, welcome
When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

0

2 months ago

apartment, dark, dark humor, death, dying, ghost, ghost story, haunt, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, i, me, myself, please, rush, spooky, story, supernatural, want
My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, cheesecake, dessert, eating, finished, funny situation, hear, house, humor, husband, i, knocking, locked, locked out, marriage, marriage humor, rest, situation, weird
Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

0

2 months ago

desire, feeling, home, humor, moment, mood, motivation, never, underestimate

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

11 shares on X this month:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

21 shares on X this month:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

100 shares on Discord this month:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

50 shares on Threads this month:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Going viral on X:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Trending via WeChat:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Just shared via WeChat:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Making waves on X:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Going bananas on YouTube:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨