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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Live now on Facebook:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Just landed via Instagram:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Seen just now on X:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Making waves on Twitch:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

0
Is the elephant in the room with us right now?
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Commentary:
🐘🤔 "Is the elephant in the room with us right now?" Well, considering how big elephants are, if there was one in the room, we would definitely know… unless it's hiding behind the curtains, wearing a disguise and practicing its stealth skills! 🤭🐘

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Discord this month:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Having a job ruined my life.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

13 shares on Threads this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Just landed via YouTube:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Just shared via TikTok:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Just landed via Facebook:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Just landed via Instagram:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

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