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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Going viral on Threads:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Seen just now on Reddit:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Just shared via YouTube:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Making waves on YouTube:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Going viral on Discord:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Funny quote about eating salad, comparing stabbing a Caesar Salad to its humorous name.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🥗😂 "Ah, the infamous Caesar Salad – the only salad that requires a stab-proof vest before consumption! A true gladiator in the world of leafy greens. Watch out, Julius Caesar, these croutons mean business! 🗡️🥗"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WeChat this month:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

41 shares on X this month:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Going viral on TikTok:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Going viral on Discord:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Freshly posted on Slack:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

All roads lead to disappointment.

Breaking via Pinterest:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

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