It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

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I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

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December you will be good to me (threateningly).

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If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

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I’m not old, I’m vintage.

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“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

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You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

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I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

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I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

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Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

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Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.