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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Shared recently on Telegram:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Live now on Slack:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Trending via Instagram:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Just landed via Messenger:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

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Commentary:
When your college fees get you a library card, but the internet's like, "Welcome to the dark side, we have PDFs!" 😂📚💻

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Instagram this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

42 shares on Discord this month:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Why will Satan torture people in hell for disobeying the same God he disobeyed?

74 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Living la vida taco!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

Live now on WhatsApp:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Making waves on Reddit:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Going viral on Messenger:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

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