It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

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The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

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Is Mercury in reggaeton?

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Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

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No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

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Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

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We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

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Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

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Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

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Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

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Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.