Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Isn't it ironic how we have to act out a mini nap performance before the real deal? 😴 I guess it's all part of the theatrical masterpiece called 'Going to Bed'. 🎭 Sweet dreams, folks! 😄"

bedtime, humor, order, pretend, rest, sleep, sleeping, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

0

2 months ago

50, 50s, after, age, age humor, aging, forget, forgetting, humor, i, joke, just, know, lapse, me, memory, memory lapse, middle, middle age, over, stuff
It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

0

2 months ago

head, humor, joke, observation, whistle, wind
Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

0

2 months ago

amusement, entertainment, funnier, humor, joke, laughs, laughter
If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, me, news, sarcasm, slap, smart, technology, turn, TV
Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

0

2 months ago

bag, before, burger, casual, casual joke, fast, fast food, five, Five Guys, food, food service, got, guy, guys, humor, job, joke, just, put, service, workplace
Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

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3 months ago

crisis, humor, impossible, know, life, middle, midlife, midlife crisis, ongoing, ongoing crisis, period, reflection, self, self-reflection

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Going viral on Threads:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Just landed via Threads:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Making waves on Slack:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Trending via Twitch:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Just landed via WeChat:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Making waves on Threads:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Spotted on Twitch:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨