Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Trending via YouTube:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Just shared via Discord:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Spotted on Telegram:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

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Commentary:
"Who needs a Valentine when you make Groundhog's Day look like a breeze! 😄 Stay single, stay fabulous! 💁‍♀️🦔"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Slack this month:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

97 shares on Discord this month:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Shared recently on YouTube:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Live now on Reddit:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Just landed via Telegram:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

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