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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Going viral on X:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Spotted on Reddit:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Trending via YouTube:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Shared recently on Reddit:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

Witty quote about cleaning frustrations, highlighting the humor in manual scrubbing versus mopping.
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Commentary:
Looks like I'm upgrading my workout routine from yoga to yog-a-mop! 🧽🧘‍♂️😂

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

14 shares on X this month:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,489

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Broadcasted on Slack:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Going bananas on X:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Making waves on Twitch:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Spotted on Slack:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Just shared via X:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Just shared via Threads:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

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