Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Just landed via Slack:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Making waves on Twitch:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Trending via Snapchat:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Just landed via WeChat:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Going viral on Facebook:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, looks like I forgot to charge my "kiss commission" fee! 😅💋😂

commission, deadline, done, humor, i, kiss, lips, need, romantic, tonight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, carrying, chainsaw, funny activity, guessing, humor, i, joke, keep, ladder, relationship, surprise, walking, wife
Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

0

2 months ago

asking, chores, distraction, dryer, home, humor, i, laundry, moved, needs, Netflix, procrastination, start, still, stop, watching
Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

0

5 months ago

humor, joke, lack, me, pun, sarcasm, self, sounds, suffering, vitamin
Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

0

2 months ago

adults, advice, emotionally, emotionally unstable, good, great, health, humor, life, life advice, media, mental, mental health, satire, social, social media, Twitter, unstable
“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

0

2 months ago

bill, frustration, gratitude, humor, i, paid, payment, sarcasm, shut, thanks
Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

0

6 months ago

accurate, amazing, bleeding, expense, finance, humor, money, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

13 shares on X this month:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Just landed via Reddit:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Making waves on Reddit:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Breaking via Telegram:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Spotted on Snapchat:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Going viral on Discord:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Seen just now on X:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Just shared via Threads:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨