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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Going viral on YouTube:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Broadcasted on Slack:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Making waves on WeChat:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Trending via Slack:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Making waves on Slack:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

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I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.
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Commentary:
Looks like even you can't handle your own high standards, huh? 🤷‍♂️ Who knew dating yourself could be so complicated? Maybe it's time to treat yourself to a night out to rekindle the romance with… yourself 😂💔 #SoloDateNight

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

40 shares on X this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

46 shares on Threads this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

57 shares on Threads this month:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Just shared via Instagram:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Just landed via Threads:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Spreading quickly via X:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

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