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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Jan 7, 2026

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Making waves on WeChat:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Breaking via Telegram:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Seen just now on Threads:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Just shared via Twitch:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

2 months ago

0

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like even you can't handle your own high standards, huh? 🤷‍♂️ Who knew dating yourself could be so complicated? Maybe it's time to treat yourself to a night out to rekindle the romance with… yourself 😂💔 #SoloDateNight

date, dating, exclusivity, humor, joke, myself, relationship, self, self-love, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

0

2 months ago

1986, bad, commitment, day, fashion, feel, Goofy, goofy hat, hat, humor, i, joke, lifelong, lifelong wear, sarcasm, Slash, style, wear
Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

0

2 months ago

diary, even, going, humor, i, mad, media, post, privacy, reading, social, social media, stuff, things, Twitter
January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

0

3 days ago

1st, actually, always, calendar, date, day, day feeling, feeling, feels, funny observation, humor, January, January 1st, new, new year, observation, perception, Sunday, time, time perception, year
Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

0

2 months ago

anxiety, anxious, day, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, irony, leisure, relaxation, scam, spend, stress, weekend
Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

0

2 months ago

communication, explain, five, help, humor, hundred, me, one hundred, simplicity, understanding
One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

0

6 months ago

brain, break, distraction, humor, just, mental, mental break, off switch, procrastination, switch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

90 shares on Facebook this month:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Seen just now on Slack:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Live now on Snapchat:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Going viral on TikTok:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Seen just now on Threads:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Just landed via Threads:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

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