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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Live now on Pinterest:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Live now on Telegram:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Just shared via Discord:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Trending via YouTube:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Live now on TikTok:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Breaking via Facebook:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

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Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.
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Commentary:
"Unless you're aiming for a new personal best in the 'Decathlon of Smells'! 😅🏃‍♂️💨"#KeepYourArmsAtEase

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Instagram this month:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

66 shares on Reddit this month:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

50 shares on Threads this month:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy new fear!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Shared recently on Twitch:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I disagree with my politics.

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