Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Shared recently on Slack:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Just shared via Instagram:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Trending via Reddit:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

12 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you're ready for a spot on Santa's sleek reindeer team! 🦌🎅✨

body, grooming, holiday, humor, just, Santa, shave, shaved, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

0

2 months ago

beauty, compliment, flowers, humor, looking, love, maybe, nature, outdoors, playful, positivity, too, trees
It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

0

2 months ago

around, busy, distraction, doing, eating, hard, humor, looking, management, procrastination, room, set, snack, tax, things, time, time management
“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

0

2 months ago

banter, communication, email, feel, free, humor, ignore, sarcasm, workplace
My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

0

3 weeks ago

alone, awkwardness, blair, Blair Witch, corner, dinner, family, humor, role, Thanksgiving, witch
I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

0

2 months ago

communication, face, humor, i, love, people, punching, sarcasm, wit, words
My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, contact, contradiction, direct, eye, eye contact, favorite, frustration, give, humor, i, just, listen, listening, me, opposite, parenting, talking, teens, understanding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

48 shares on Facebook this month:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

87 shares on X this month:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Going viral on Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Making waves on WeChat:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Trending via TikTok:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨