Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
🤣 "Oh, sorry for not sounding the alarm clock! You snooze, you lose, literally! Next time, I'll make sure to add a 'pre-wake-up' notification just for you. 🛌💤"

before, humor, me, rude, sleep, surprise, wake

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

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3 months ago

being, compliment, contradiction, humor, insult, irony, me, mule, okay, passing, racing, reaction, slow, someone, speed
I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

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2 months ago

comedy, hard, humor, innuendo, joke, making, quit, sexual, sexuality, struggle, trying
I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

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2 months ago

apple, apples, berry, humor, i, imagination, imagine, just, second, size, wish
The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

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2 months ago

buy, cooking, expectations, food, frustration, humor, looking, online, recipe, simplicity, stuff, where
I have no beef with vegetarians.

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2 months ago

beef, diet, food, humor, i, joke, vegetarian
A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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2 months ago

1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Slack this month:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

52 shares on Slack this month:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

29 shares on X this month:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

93 shares on X this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Breaking via WeChat:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Spotted on Twitch:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Just landed via Threads:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Spotted on Instagram:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Just landed via Slack:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Going viral on Twitch:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

I have no beef with vegetarians.

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨