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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,523

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Just landed via Twitch:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Going viral on Facebook:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Breaking via Instagram:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about feeling anxious, comparing resting state to a tense battlefield.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why do battles always happen at bedtime? 🛌💥🧠🤯

anxiety, bed, going, laying, nervous, nervous system, sleeplessness, someone, stress, system, tension, war

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81 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

30 shares on Slack this month:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

65 shares on X this month:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Just shared via Messenger:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Breaking via Discord:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

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Activity Log ✨

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨